Abodes.org

So the TSA made a woman (who scores a 19.5 on my scale) remove her nipple rings before they would let her board a flight.  “The last time that I checked, a nipple was not a dangerous weapon,” well-known L.A. attorney Gloria Alred said.  When the TSA agent who made the decision was questioned the response was “She was given a pair of pliers in order to remove them.”  For the official report from CBS, go here. Sometimes, the headlines just write themselves.

Bowling Green State University has banned NERF guns on campus.

Why were there NERF guns on campus anyway? Well it turns out that humans on BGSU’s campus were using these NERF guns to protect themselves from zombies. I applaud the humans at BGSU for their attempt and have to wonder if the administration there may already be xombiefied.

Maybe this banning of NERF weapons provides the BGSU humans the opportunity to get real zombie defense kits. I personally recommend the following equipment:

1. Fire Axe (any brand)
2. 1911 .45 ACP pistol (choose a reliable brand)
3. Benelli Tactical Shotgun (collapsible to conserve space)
4. Body Armor (look for something resistant to slashing and bludgeoning)
5. Helmet (braiiinnnsssss)

Some optional but handy items you might also want.

6. Incendiary Grenades (burning is very effective versus most undead)
7. Flamethrower (see above)
8. Barrel of Kittens (too many brains can distract zombies and temporarily stun them)
9. Holy Water (generally considered effective against undead. Also you can give yourself last rites)
10. Mark III Suit (this is pretty much zombie immunity all in one. and badass looking)

Some additional pieces of advice:

• Don’t mess about with knives vs. zombies. Stabbing doesn’t work. They need to be chopped up into tiny pieces or you are still in trouble.
• Stick to explosive or incendiary bullets if possible. Again the explosion thing.
• Don’t waste your time using a riot shield like the one kit I linked to. It just gives the zombies something else to grab a hold of and won’t stop them anyway.
• Unlike normal video game combat rules, don’t aim for the zombie’s head. There isn’t anything useful there. Aim for center of mass. Hope for a knock down or dismemberment.
• If you are a descendant of Abraham Van Helsing a zombie attack would be a really good time to wake up Alucard.
• Zombies hate garlic. It won’t stop them from eating your brain, but at least they won’t enjoy it as much.

I really don’t think the BGSU humans are going to follow my advice though. According to the article:

The human’s main form of defense used to come in the form of Nerf guns, but is now being downgraded to balled up socks and marshmallows.

That’s doing it wrong.

So the demented minds behind South Park have done something right, namely making every episode of the show available for free, online.

Now only if other shows would do the same, t3h interweb would be a  much better place.

Some funny vanity plates brought to you by Mental Floss

The best ones:

That last one made me think of the TARPS service in Toledo, OH. TARPS just sounds like a pejorative term for handicapped people.

This article at salon reads with a pretty heavy bias but it’s still good news. The Democratic Party isn’t totally worthless it seems. No retroactive immunity to telecoms for breaking the law.

Retroactive immunity. What a horrible horrible idea. The Nazis had retroactive immunity that they made the Jews wear. Well maybe not but still.

Here’s a traditional Irish Folk Song to get you into the spirit of drinking, dancing, singing, and driving away snakes:

Edit: I have just been informed that today is Pi Day which sounds like the perfect excuse for me to spend $25 on baking supplies. Woohoo! Booze and baked goods! What’s not to love about this weekend!

Today’s awesome headline:

Israelis Sue Government For Laser Cannons

Honestly, there are very few projects that we actually want the government to do that it is capable of doing. And it doesn’t.

My musical tastes are actually rather diverse. In spite of her ongoing trainwreck of a life, I still love Brit-Brit’s music. Her newest CD is super-fun. It reminds me of Madonna’s “Confessions on a Dance Floor”, which I also loved. Since she decided to take an animeish route for her newest video, I felt the need to share it with all 3 of you abodesians. Enjoy!

One of the funnest things about classic rock is that you think you know the words. But you really don’t. And neither does the guy who made this video:

Andy Rooney thinks they are tasty.

I made a lot of cookies in my lifetime and we don’t have a drop of partially hydrogenated vegetable oil in our kitchen. We don’t have any lecithin or niacin either. The Girl Scouts put what they call “reduced iron” in them. How would a girl reduce iron?

I looked up cookies in my Fannie Farmer cookbook and Fannie Farmer doesn’t use riboflavin.

Next time a Girl Scout tries to sell me cookies, I’m going to ask her about partially hydrogenated vegetable oil and about riboflavin.