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So the elf and I went to Canada last weekend. This review is about the Cannota we saw during the weekend. There might be other more different Canadas but I can’t say for sure.

Kanida is hot, muggy, smelly, and expensive. It was really humid the entire weekend and the only thing that made it acceptable was a strong breeze off of Lake Huron. Lake Huron gets a 9/10 btw since it was smooth the whole time and cool and not smelly and practically free.

We saw a really run down indian reservation. That got a 2/10. The restaurant in the shopping center near there though had “traditional native fried bread” which gets 8/10.

So Canatuna must have like 99% sales tax. A hamburger and fries was $13. Fish and chips was like $15. For perch. Not even for pufferfish or anything. Around where I live it’s usually like $7. Drinks at a bar were $5-8 a piece which is a bit steep but when you factor in that they didn’t appear to even have any alcohol (and tasted just like mixer) a shot of liquor must be like $20 there.

We stopped at a liquor store and a beer store. The Beer Store actually. You see, Soberada is a socialist nation. The best way to control a populace in a tyrannical nation is to control the alcohol supply. Hence The Beer Store. It’s the only place (seemingly) you can buy beer. A 6 pack of beer is roughly twice the cost of what people in the States pay. This probably explains the people with hand carts and 20 18-packs of bud light coming back over to Canadia on the ferry. Oh, and about the liquor stores. In Corndidia the only liquor stores are LCBO stores. They are pretty nice as far as stores go, more like a Macy’s than a Walmart. A 750mL bottle of Jose Cuervo runs about $35 Eh’dian. Right now greenbacks and loonies are about even so we can say that’s roughly $35 USD. Three blocks away from my house I can buy the same bottle of Cuervo (or at least a close cousin) for around $16.

If it wasn’t for a minimum wage of $8 and up and healthcare/retirement/etc that the people with jobs have to pay for in their probably 200% income tax I don’t know how anyone can get drunk in Nadcania. There must be a bum booze subsidy program or something for the stinky part of the population.

Overall, Candidia gets a 6/10. It’s fun to visit but expensive, hot and smelly. You don’t think Candacia is hot? I can say honestly that 100% of the times I have been to Candardia in the last year it has been hot and muggy. Proof enough.

Sadly, Bonsai Kitten is no longer in business. But we can get their old site on archive.org - yay for the way back machine.

Bonsai Kitten

Turns out the woman is good for something, pointing me here.

Casu Marzu cheese is one extreme culinary treat.

It’s Pecorino Sardo cheese that someone thought to add cheese fly larvae too. The larvae chew it up and crap it out and then you get to eat it. Some people don’t even pick the larvae out before they eat it. It’s so hardcore that Wikipedia even has a section about the dangers of eating this cheese.

Thanks (or not) to The Consumerist for this.

and cancel your trips to the Congo. Apparently “penis theft” is a big deal there.

So I’m recently single again. I knew it would happen as it was just a matter of time. It’s not so much that I miss her, it’s more of the fact that being single just plain sucks, even if the opposite is spending time with someone with which there is no real future. So seeing as how I’m probably the only consistent single (as in un-married) reader of this ‘ere blog, I thought I’d educate ya on why being single sucks donkey dick on horseback.

1. Cooking for one person is so pointless you might as well get a pizza. Or Wendy’s. It’s actually cheaper.
2. Hanging out with a couple means you are the third wheel.
3. No one goes to a restaurant to eat by themselves.

   Read the rest of this entry »

Bowling Green State University has banned NERF guns on campus.

Why were there NERF guns on campus anyway? Well it turns out that humans on BGSU’s campus were using these NERF guns to protect themselves from zombies. I applaud the humans at BGSU for their attempt and have to wonder if the administration there may already be xombiefied.

Maybe this banning of NERF weapons provides the BGSU humans the opportunity to get real zombie defense kits. I personally recommend the following equipment:

1. Fire Axe (any brand)
2. 1911 .45 ACP pistol (choose a reliable brand)
3. Benelli Tactical Shotgun (collapsible to conserve space)
4. Body Armor (look for something resistant to slashing and bludgeoning)
5. Helmet (braiiinnnsssss)

Some optional but handy items you might also want.

6. Incendiary Grenades (burning is very effective versus most undead)
7. Flamethrower (see above)
8. Barrel of Kittens (too many brains can distract zombies and temporarily stun them)
9. Holy Water (generally considered effective against undead. Also you can give yourself last rites)
10. Mark III Suit (this is pretty much zombie immunity all in one. and badass looking)

Some additional pieces of advice:

• Don’t mess about with knives vs. zombies. Stabbing doesn’t work. They need to be chopped up into tiny pieces or you are still in trouble.
• Stick to explosive or incendiary bullets if possible. Again the explosion thing.
• Don’t waste your time using a riot shield like the one kit I linked to. It just gives the zombies something else to grab a hold of and won’t stop them anyway.
• Unlike normal video game combat rules, don’t aim for the zombie’s head. There isn’t anything useful there. Aim for center of mass. Hope for a knock down or dismemberment.
• If you are a descendant of Abraham Van Helsing a zombie attack would be a really good time to wake up Alucard.
• Zombies hate garlic. It won’t stop them from eating your brain, but at least they won’t enjoy it as much.

I really don’t think the BGSU humans are going to follow my advice though. According to the article:

The human’s main form of defense used to come in the form of Nerf guns, but is now being downgraded to balled up socks and marshmallows.

That’s doing it wrong.

Am I the only one who doesn’t place heavy things on the door to my stove? This has always seemed like one of those really bad ideas. I can say honestly that I don’t think I’ve ever set so much as a pan down on the door and I really can’t see why I would want to. The oven racks slide out and everything.

What’s next? Lawsuits because car doors don’t have hand sensing technology?

Currently, it is 5 degrees fahrenheit outside. With windchill, it’s -16., i.e. And this B.S. is our weather forecast for the next 10 days. Yep. -2 tonight and below freezing pretty much every day. I’m pretty sure that my nipples are going to freeze off before winter ends.

Buying that private island in Mexico is looking better and better by the day. And at only $136K, it’s a steal!

You’re on your weekly beer run with the wife and baby cause everyone knows marriage and parenthood lead to alcoholism. Who or what do you use a seat belt on?

This guy chose to strap in his Busch and leave the baby to bounce around his back seat. Needless to say, he was arrested and taken off to jail.

How do you get ‘em? Go to a vending machine!!!