Abodes.org

Quite frequently when using Google Reader I read articles without bothering to waste time reading things like the site an article came from. Generally this doesn’t cause any harm. Generally (#2) I can make out which site an article is from simply from content.

This was not one of those articles. I read (and when I say read in the context of RSS I mean don’t mean in the reading-a-George-R-R-Martin-book type of read so much as the glancing-through-news-stories type of read) Sage’s post and just assumed it was from Mental Floss where it would have totally fit in.

I was then about to copy the URL to post a link on Abodes to the article when I realized that was totally unnecessary.

Then I laughed.

Fin.

It appears that in England, you have mighty leaders such as Jock Stirrup.

Apparently some people are worried about the zombies coming to attack. This Jock Strap guy or maybe strippers could end up as zombies.

Bowling Green State University has banned NERF guns on campus.

Why were there NERF guns on campus anyway? Well it turns out that humans on BGSU’s campus were using these NERF guns to protect themselves from zombies. I applaud the humans at BGSU for their attempt and have to wonder if the administration there may already be xombiefied.

Maybe this banning of NERF weapons provides the BGSU humans the opportunity to get real zombie defense kits. I personally recommend the following equipment:

1. Fire Axe (any brand)
2. 1911 .45 ACP pistol (choose a reliable brand)
3. Benelli Tactical Shotgun (collapsible to conserve space)
4. Body Armor (look for something resistant to slashing and bludgeoning)
5. Helmet (braiiinnnsssss)

Some optional but handy items you might also want.

6. Incendiary Grenades (burning is very effective versus most undead)
7. Flamethrower (see above)
8. Barrel of Kittens (too many brains can distract zombies and temporarily stun them)
9. Holy Water (generally considered effective against undead. Also you can give yourself last rites)
10. Mark III Suit (this is pretty much zombie immunity all in one. and badass looking)

Some additional pieces of advice:

• Don’t mess about with knives vs. zombies. Stabbing doesn’t work. They need to be chopped up into tiny pieces or you are still in trouble.
• Stick to explosive or incendiary bullets if possible. Again the explosion thing.
• Don’t waste your time using a riot shield like the one kit I linked to. It just gives the zombies something else to grab a hold of and won’t stop them anyway.
• Unlike normal video game combat rules, don’t aim for the zombie’s head. There isn’t anything useful there. Aim for center of mass. Hope for a knock down or dismemberment.
• If you are a descendant of Abraham Van Helsing a zombie attack would be a really good time to wake up Alucard.
• Zombies hate garlic. It won’t stop them from eating your brain, but at least they won’t enjoy it as much.

I really don’t think the BGSU humans are going to follow my advice though. According to the article:

The human’s main form of defense used to come in the form of Nerf guns, but is now being downgraded to balled up socks and marshmallows.

That’s doing it wrong.

There is a mouse in my office somewhere. It did it’s biznaz on the bosses desk. All over his desk. A few times.

So the boss brought in a mouse trap and set it up. We found some of the food eaten each day for a couple of days but the trap never sprung. Today I tried to spring it myself with a pen and it required a TON of force. The mouse would have to do a all over the mouse trap with a tribal drum accompaniment to set it off. I probably had to apply 5 lbs of pressure to the trap to make it spring. That’s like the weight of a small rat.

I bent the catch back a little and gave it a proper hair trigger now. We’ll see if we have some proper results on Monday. Nothing like a rotting mouse corpse over the weekend to spice up work.

I just wish I had found this before Halloween. Oh well.

What to do? You wouldn’t be asking yourself that if you had this.

The CDC has come out with a fancy schmany graphic that explains how these new deadly zombie amoebas work. Finally, the government is starting to recognize the real threat zombies pose to all of us. Six people have already died this year alone from this micro-zombie horde.

The treatment: “prompt intravenous administration of heroic doses of Amphotericin B”.

Yes, you read that right. Only through heroic doses of Amphotericin B can these zombies be killed. Who is Amphotericin B you ask? That’s Joe Doogan’s other name.

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TOAST ZOMBIES!!!!1|\

Someone should buy me one of these. Also, this is funny.

The wife and I picked up a $2 Medium Lots video that I’m sure will excite all of you. Hard Rock Zombies. That’s right.

The plot synopsis from IMDB:

A hard rock band travels to the tiny and remote town of Grand Guignol to perform. Peopled by hicks, rubes, werewolves, murderous dwarves, sex perverts, and Hitler, the town is a strange place but that doesn’t stop the band’s lead singer from falling in love with a local girl named Cassie. After Nazi sex perverts kill the band to satisfy their lusts, Cassie calls the rockers back from the grave to save her, the town, and maybe the world.

That’s right abodesians. Sex perverts led by Hitler. A rock band full of zombies. What more could you ask for besides ninjas? But the ninjas are all about the punk rawk!!!