Abodes.org

I could end my post there but maybe I shouldn’t. You should read this BEER blog entry about common beer myths since it is amusing. To be honest, I have never heard most of those myths but they are still funny. The one I have heard is about drinking dark beer being like eating a loaf of bread.

This is stupid.

A pint of Guinness Drought (the more caloric one) has 210 calories. That’s .370 calories per gram.

A bottle of Michelob Ultra has 73 calories. That’s .265 calories per gram.

A slice of Wonder Bread contains 79 calories. That’s 2.565 calories per gram.

So beer might very well be runny bread but it’s diet runny bread. Bitches.

Some dude over on buffettnews.com is now making webcomics. He proves, once again, that we Parrotheads know what truly matters in life!

So I’m recently single again. I knew it would happen as it was just a matter of time. It’s not so much that I miss her, it’s more of the fact that being single just plain sucks, even if the opposite is spending time with someone with which there is no real future. So seeing as how I’m probably the only consistent single (as in un-married) reader of this ‘ere blog, I thought I’d educate ya on why being single sucks donkey dick on horseback.

1. Cooking for one person is so pointless you might as well get a pizza. Or Wendy’s. It’s actually cheaper.
2. Hanging out with a couple means you are the third wheel.
3. No one goes to a restaurant to eat by themselves.

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Here’s a traditional Irish Folk Song to get you into the spirit of drinking, dancing, singing, and driving away snakes:

Edit: I have just been informed that today is Pi Day which sounds like the perfect excuse for me to spend $25 on baking supplies. Woohoo! Booze and baked goods! What’s not to love about this weekend!

My musical tastes are actually rather diverse. In spite of her ongoing trainwreck of a life, I still love Brit-Brit’s music. Her newest CD is super-fun. It reminds me of Madonna’s “Confessions on a Dance Floor”, which I also loved. Since she decided to take an animeish route for her newest video, I felt the need to share it with all 3 of you abodesians. Enjoy!

You’re on your weekly beer run with the wife and baby cause everyone knows marriage and parenthood lead to alcoholism. Who or what do you use a seat belt on?

This guy chose to strap in his Busch and leave the baby to bounce around his back seat. Needless to say, he was arrested and taken off to jail.

In an effort to confront the laziness that sets in during the winter months, here are some motivational posters to help us all out.

Sloth says I have expensive taste. I disagree since my idea of expensive taste includes $1300 bottles of champagne and ugly $26,000 purses. Well, it’s time for me to change my ways. A recent study found that in order to maximize my drinking pleasure, I need to develop expensive taste in wine. Or not. I’ll stick with Yellow Tail and Mon Ami wines, thxbai.

Now what this study does mean is that someone could probably bottle cat pee and market it as an expensive new wine. You know that stupid rich people would flock to buy it.

So I was laying in bed with the woman last nite, and I hear her dog start chewing on something.  I say to her, “Please tell me she’s not chewing on what I think she’s chewing on.”  And of course, I was correct as always, the bitch(finally I get to use this term and not get slapped) was chewing on un-used condoms, which curiously smell like orange peel.  After a bout of uncontrollable laughter, the mood was totally gone.  So I say to her, “I’m totally gonna put this on the blog.”  And since I don’t like to disappoint, I thought I’d start a list of mood killers.  Please feel free to add your mood killers.

1. The dog ate my condom.

2. Cold doggy nose on my balls. AKA instant shrivel.

3. The 5-0 at the door. Courtesy of Sage.

4. Partner taking phone calls or texting the parent folk.  Also courtesy of Sage.

Ever since I was a wee lass, I’ve had more guy friends than girl friends. Today, I’d like to thank each and every one of those guys for giving me a new excuse for being a lush.

(Editor’s note: I think there is a term for a girl that has a lot of “guy friends” ever since she was a little girl.)