My fellow Americans, today is a drunk day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “corgi”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually nom.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces tasty and fuzzy challenges like never before. Our economy is purple. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for video games. Our healthcare system is ghetto. If your toe is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a ninja. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a boobie aardvark. But sexing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Mexico.
Finally, I must thank my sick family, my soft campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank paladins for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of flying the American people. Without your exotic efforts, none of this would have been possible.
As someone whose job it is to talk on the phone all day, I have a few things to say about answering the damn things. The most important of these things is that Sloth is mistaken. Here’s why, illustrated with pretty pictures!!!!!:
I could end my post there but maybe I shouldn’t. You should read this BEER blog entry about common beer myths since it is amusing. To be honest, I have never heard most of those myths but they are still funny. The one I have heard is about drinking dark beer being like eating a loaf of bread.
This is stupid.
A pint of Guinness Drought (the more caloric one) has 210 calories. That’s .370 calories per gram.
So I’m recently single again. I knew it would happen as it was just a matter of time. It’s not so much that I miss her, it’s more of the fact that being single just plain sucks, even if the opposite is spending time with someone with which there is no real future. So seeing as how I’m probably the only consistent single (as in un-married) reader of this ‘ere blog, I thought I’d educate ya on why being single sucks donkey dick on horseback.
Cooking for one person is so pointless you might as well get a pizza. Or Wendy’s. It’s actually cheaper.
Hanging out with a couple means you are the third wheel.
Edit: I have just been informed that today is Pi Day which sounds like the perfect excuse for me to spend $25 on baking supplies. Woohoo! Booze and baked goods! What’s not to love about this weekend!
My musical tastes are actually rather diverse. In spite of her ongoing trainwreck of a life, I still love Brit-Brit’s music. Her newest CD is super-fun. It reminds me of Madonna’s “Confessions on a Dance Floor”, which I also loved. Since she decided to take an animeish route for her newest video, I felt the need to share it with all 3 of you abodesians. Enjoy!
Sloth says I have expensive taste. I disagree since my idea of expensive taste includes $1300 bottles of champagne and ugly $26,000 purses. Well, it’s time for me to change my ways. A recent study found that in order to maximize my drinking pleasure, I need to develop expensive taste in wine. Or not. I’ll stick with Yellow Tail and Mon Ami wines, thxbai.
Now what this study does mean is that someone could probably bottle cat pee and market it as an expensive new wine. You know that stupid rich people would flock to buy it.
