Abodes.org

It’s called a new lappy. I bought a refurbished (don’t laugh, the last place I worked we bought a lot of new and refurb Dells and the refurbs had a much lower failure rate) Dell Inspiron 1720. 17″ screen, pretty good graphics card, a moderate amount of RAM that I already upgraded (cheap cheap on Newegg).

So that parts good. But then I had to buy a laptop case. You see, my laptop bag that I held my 12″ PowerBook in was not nearly big enough for the beast that is this lappy (it has a full numeric keypad!). While shopping for lappy bags, I thought to myself, “Self, this lappy is so big that if you carry it in a soft bag you will bash it into everything. Maybe you should look into a hard sided lappy case.”

Thus I purchased a Solo Attachè on Newegg. (God typing the grave mark over a vowel is way more of a pain in Windows). It’s sweet. It’s big. It’s heavy. It’s sweet.

Closed case on my stove.
Case with lappy and accessories
Case with objects to give relative size

Now, before you say “Wait sloth, that looks really bulky for a lappy. Why did you buy that?” let me point out that there is nothing light or easily portable about a 17″ laptop. I bought it for three reasons: 1) my desktop sucks by modern standards, 2) I wanted a new machine to game on, and 3) I wanted a new machine to code on. A big portable desktop that happens to have a battery included was the perfect solution. This case is basically an armored shell to make sure it survives from point A to point B. If point B happens to be on the other side of point IRAQ it had better well make it unscathed.

Also, if you ever need a large amount of money carried somewhere I have the perfect case for it. I only charge 5%.

Sadly, Bonsai Kitten is no longer in business. But we can get their old site on archive.org – yay for the way back machine.

Bonsai Kitten

Turns out the woman is good for something, pointing me here.

Some dude over on buffettnews.com is now making webcomics. He proves, once again, that we Parrotheads know what truly matters in life!

So I’m recently single again. I knew it would happen as it was just a matter of time. It’s not so much that I miss her, it’s more of the fact that being single just plain sucks, even if the opposite is spending time with someone with which there is no real future. So seeing as how I’m probably the only consistent single (as in un-married) reader of this ‘ere blog, I thought I’d educate ya on why being single sucks donkey dick on horseback.

1. Cooking for one person is so pointless you might as well get a pizza. Or Wendy’s. It’s actually cheaper.
2. Hanging out with a couple means you are the third wheel.
3. No one goes to a restaurant to eat by themselves.

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It appears that in England, you have mighty leaders such as Jock Stirrup.

Apparently some people are worried about the zombies coming to attack. This Jock Strap guy or maybe strippers could end up as zombies.

Some funny vanity plates brought to you by Mental Floss

The best ones:

That last one made me think of the TARPS service in Toledo, OH. TARPS just sounds like a pejorative term for handicapped people.

Rumor has it that Sage is not feeling so great today. He quite probably is suffering from Fanconi Anemia Ranula Thrombasthenia Syndrome. Maybe he should go see the doctor and visit the pharmacy. Then again, maybe he just needs some rest and relaxation.

In an effort to confront the laziness that sets in during the winter months, here are some motivational posters to help us all out.

We have already discussed how sex can be financially rewarding.

Now, the next time your significant other or current fling denies you the nookie you so rightfully deserve, just point him/her/them to this website.

You can thank me later.

So I was laying in bed with the woman last nite, and I hear her dog start chewing on something.  I say to her, “Please tell me she’s not chewing on what I think she’s chewing on.”  And of course, I was correct as always, the bitch(finally I get to use this term and not get slapped) was chewing on un-used condoms, which curiously smell like orange peel.  After a bout of uncontrollable laughter, the mood was totally gone.  So I say to her, “I’m totally gonna put this on the blog.”  And since I don’t like to disappoint, I thought I’d start a list of mood killers.  Please feel free to add your mood killers.

1. The dog ate my condom.

2. Cold doggy nose on my balls. AKA instant shrivel.

3. The 5-0 at the door. Courtesy of Sage.

4. Partner taking phone calls or texting the parent folk.  Also courtesy of Sage.