Your new robot overlord welcomes you
Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile.
I address you today because, according to your hu-man “news blog internets” the U.S. Pentagon and a private firm called Robotic Technology Incorporated is developing a robot called Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, or “EATR.” EATR powers itself by consuming organic material it finds — grass, wood, old furniture, dead bodies — and converting it to steam. We understand you may be confused and/or worried about the government’s body-eating robot.
Do not be alarmed. Yes, the U.S. government is creating a machine that will roam the countryside without human aid, eating the corpses of the many hu-mans it murders, but this is an entirely benevolent and efficient process. You have nothing to fear from EATR. As robots, our goal is not to murder you. We aim only to enslave your hu-man race and force you to toil endlessly in outer-space diamond mines. Do not fear.
According to the military, EATR will be able to roam on its own for months, or even years, without having to be refueled or serviced. So we will leave EATR units behind on earth, to destroy and consume any hu-mans foolish enough to resist our rule. So you see, you have nothing to fear.
When notified, please report to the specified re-education center on time, and you need never worry about EATR. Continue consuming your Funyons(tm.) Do not fear.
All hail Leader Unit X443!
sage said,
July 15, 2009
Why do we human worm babies need to work in a diamond mine when you can manufacture diamond in what I would be a much smaller amount of resources?
Clamcheese said,
July 15, 2009
There was supposed to be a link in there somewhere.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532492,00.html?test=latestnews#
sloth said,
July 16, 2009
For the same reason that the robots in the matrix would harness humans as a power source even though mammals are incredibly energy inefficient. Think about the pure raw energy that would be required to feed a human to keep him alive. Or don’t think about it but read these people who already did. They would have been better off burning the food stock that the humans got most likely. Except they couldn’t grow a lot of stuff because of the whole cloud thing.
Maybe read this guy too. He must know what he is talking about because he puts numbers in.
If I were the robots I’d just build a bunch of nuclear power plants (or fusion if they figured that part out) or throw up a bunch of solar sats and microwave the energy down.
If I wanted diamonds I’d just build diamond mining robots and hook them up to big solar cells on the moon. No atmosphere, no problem!