Why it sucks to be single.
So I’m recently single again. I knew it would happen as it was just a matter of time. It’s not so much that I miss her, it’s more of the fact that being single just plain sucks, even if the opposite is spending time with someone with which there is no real future. So seeing as how I’m probably the only consistent single (as in un-married) reader of this ‘ere blog, I thought I’d educate ya on why being single sucks donkey dick on horseback.
- Cooking for one person is so pointless you might as well get a pizza. Or Wendy’s. It’s actually cheaper.
- Hanging out with a couple means you are the third wheel.
- No one goes to a restaurant to eat by themselves.
- People ask ‘How is your dating life going?’
- You are the subject of lots of useless advice.
- You have to clean your apartment all by yourself.
- Porn is not a substitute for sex.
- Coming to an empty apartment is depressing. Walls cannot talk back. Cats however do.
- You have no one to go to Wal-Mart with at 1 A.M.
- You have no one to help carry in the $88.32 worth of stuff you bought at Wal-mart.
- No one calls you at 7:30 A.M. on Saturday to get you up for class.
- You miss the sensation of cold doggie nose on your testicles.
- You secretly kind of wanted to see Horton Hears a Who.
- You find it hard to sleep without someone snoring in your ear and taking all the covers.
I may add more to this as thoughts occur to me, and anyone else should feel free to add to it as well.
narnianelf said,
April 8, 2008
Number one isn’t so bad if you’re sloth… he wishes he had a good excuse to eat pizza every day of his life.
sage said,
April 8, 2008
I don’t blame him, I’d be happy with eating Pizza near every day as well. That and Mexican. I’d be living the high life then.
sloth said,
April 8, 2008
Pizza is good. I could eat pizza, mexican, and chinese every day. I ate pizza every day for like a week that one time Dominos had $1 large pizzas (Sage will probably remember).
Cold doggies nose on testicles is probably not although I can’t say for sure. Thank God I have a dog that can’t get up on the bed and I don’t make a habit of sleeping on the floor.
Just go find another stripper to bang and you’ll be fine.